I CAN MOONWALK!
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
