There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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