hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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