i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm too high and old for this...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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