don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Two words: blizzard sex
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
