chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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