This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
