he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i need some magic done to my vagina
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend