Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
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