her vagina looked like bernie madoff
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back