when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry