how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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