is your mom at the bar?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
