I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
