he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
