I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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