I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
