I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Randomize
