he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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