We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize