I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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