nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
