no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
