He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
