Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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