We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
