East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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