whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
