Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize