I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
