what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
