My nipple is on Facebook.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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