I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Randomize
