I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
