Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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