just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
