Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
