I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
