He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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