I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
