I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
