Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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