A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
