We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
