ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
