That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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