i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
