in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
