Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
