real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
only you would photoshop your dick
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
