Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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