You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
