I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
