Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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