dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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