ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
