Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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