Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
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#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
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My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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