I'm jealous of your bromance
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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