I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
