I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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