Your face is a jimmy john
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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