She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
No subtext here. People are naked.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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