It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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