she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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