What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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