Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
