I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
