I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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