At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
