i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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