You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
