There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
