i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
