So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
