i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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