My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
