They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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