dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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