just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
