Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
